


Growing Upside Down

by iphianassa



Category: Freaks and Geeks
Genre: F/F, Femslash, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-20
Updated: 2009-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-04 19:01:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iphianassa/pseuds/iphianassa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"When Lindsay sees Kim Kelly at the Young Businesswomen of America luncheon, she wants to take her glasses off, give them a good polish and then stare through them again, just to double-check."</i></p><p>Lindsay finally discovers the part of her she's been trying to find since high school.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Growing Upside Down

**Author's Note:**

  * For [clio_jlh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/clio_jlh/gifts).



> The title is a nod to The Ditty Bop's song of the same name.

When Lindsay sees Kim Kelly at the Young Businesswomen of America luncheon, she wants to take her glasses off, give them a good polish and then stare through them again, just to double-check. Never mind that she doesn't actually need glasses--they're just for show--she feels as though the action would get her point across rather well.

But really? Kim, at this luncheon? Lindsay doesn't like being rude, even in her own head, but this seems a stretch of the imagination. What could Kim have possibly done with herself to land here? Lindsay is right where she is supposed to be, right on track. She graduated summa cum laude, landed her first job right out of school. Has saved the company a bundle with her good accountancy skills. In fact, she was supposed to be the keynote speaker today, but it went to someone older, more successful. Whatever, Lindsay's over it. It's not like she ever thought she'd care about some corporate-drone, ladder-of-success office bullshit anyway.

Lindsay makes her way uncomfortably over to where Kim is picking up a sandwich at the buffet. There is an uneasy moment when Lindsay is unsure of what to say, or even that Kim will recognize her, but she is soon proven wrong.

"Oh god, Lindsay! Oh god." Kim repeats and gathers her in a crushing hug.

An awkward beat later, they make conversation.

"So, do you still hear from anyone from high school?" Lindsay asks, expecting to hear an excited and detailed account of what everyone from "the old gang" is up to.

To her surprise, Kim snorts and exclaims, "are you kidding? I dumped those losers years ago!"

"Really? Not even Daniel? Lindsay queries.

"Especially not Daniel," Kim replies. "What did that freak ever do for me? Nah, besides, I'm into women now." She announces matter-of-factly.

"Oh, that's, uh…" Lindsay trails off, unsure of how to continue.

Luckily Kim doesn't seem to notice, "So how the hell have you been? Lindsay fucking Weir, I can't believe it!"

Lindsay can hardly believe it herself.

They decide to meet for drinks on the weekend, but Lindsay fully intends to cancel. She goes home that night to her modest apartment and watches snippets of Detroit nightlife bustle on beneath her window. How did she get here? Her parents, Mr. Rosso, even Daniel and Kim and Nick had all believed that she could _be_ something. So why wasn't she? Or was she? Before she had run into Kim today she thought she had been doing well. Was this awful of her? Was the high school goody-goody, the snob she had been for so long coming back? In a world when she and Kim were equals, had she failed?

She turns out the light and slipped into bed, the weight of her thoughts sending her into an uneasy sleep.

\--

In the end she does go to meet Kim for drinks. It's a trendy bar downtown, and Lindsay doesn't quite know what to think about that. Or about Kim in general anymore. Their conversation is a bit strained at first, but soon Kim destroys that barrier like she does anything that stands between her and getting what she wants.

It takes Lindsay a few shots before she is brave enough to ask Kim how she managed to play her cards well enough to get to where she is now.

Kim just laughs. It's a beautiful sound, how had Lindsay never noticed that before?

“It's because of you, Lindsay! You inspired me to do more. I always wanted to... I wanted to make you proud of me.”

And maybe Lindsay had too much to drink because before she registers what's happening Kim's nose is resting against hers, her bright blonde hair entwined with Lindsay's plain brown and Lindsay is taken aback when she realizes that this is the first time she has ever seen Kim act nervous.

“It's all because of you,” Kim repeats, whispering now.

Lindsay doesn't know what comes over her--probably something similar to when she first took it into her head to don that horrible green jacket in high school—but she presses her lips eagerly against Kim's and lets her slide her tongue into her mouth.

They go back to Lindsay's and Lindsay wonders if she will regret this in the morning. Is this just something she's letting herself be pushed into because she needs something more in her life? Because she just wants to fit in? Is this a repeat of her muddled, adolescent attempt at rebellion? That wouldn't be fair to Kim who, she's starting to understand, really likes her.

But somewhere between when she loses her shirt and when Kim begins to touch her in a way she's sure no one ever has before, Lindsay begins to realize that this is something far, far more complicated and intense than just trying to fit in. It has something to do with finding her place in the world, but it's a more of an epiphany about what her life has been missing than a desperate bid for happiness.

\--

They get married. Well, they live together anyway. Kim wouldn't stand for anything as traditional as marriage, and Lindsay pretends she won't either, although she secretly thinks of Kim as her wife. Or maybe she thinks of herself as Kim's wife. Or both; she doesn't really know.

They don't have kids. Neither woman wants them, and they're both crap at things like cooking and proper bedtimes. Besides, Sam has three of his own and Lindsay is exhausted after just spending an afternoon with them on the rare occasion that she decides she wants to indulge her maternal side.

They have a good life. They do what they want, when they want. Neither of them becomes extraordinary in the traditional sense, but they are happy enough. Kim laughs that she is already doing better than anyone ever expected her to, and Lindsay never wanted to be anything other than normal.

Lindsay is there when, at sixty-four, Kim breaths her last breath. It's too young, Lindsay knows this. She smokes a cigarette in the parking lot after watching the monitor flatline; partly in tribute to their younger selves, and partly because her nerves need it. Life without Kim is inconceivable. Afterwards she thinks about getting a cat to fill the new hole in her life, but she doesn't. Kim would have wanted her to get a dog, so she gets a huge golden lab. It's just like Kim: friendly, over-enthusiastic, and easy to love.

She never quite gets over Kim's death, but she is at peace with herself now. The lost girl she was when she was young has disappeared forever. She understands that life is not about fighting against mediocrity; it's about love and finding contentment in the way that's right for you. She even thinks Mr. Rosso would be proud of her.


End file.
